tears

i dun quite remember.. maybe the nite b4 las nite, i broke into tears.. i juz dun know why.. it was sooooo damn hot dat nite & i couldn't sleep.. i juz couldn't sleep. i guess all the other hosmets have already fallen asllep.. & here wat i was doing is staring at the ceiling miserably.. i broke into tears.. when i think about my mom, i feel sad, weak, sensitive. i miss her a lot.. not what she is now, but what she was b4.. when i compare my situation with other frens, it hurts.. to know the truth dat she will never be the same hurts me a lot.. to know that my lfe is not normal hurts more.. i often cried when i think of her.. she can't cook 4 me anymore.. she can't hug me anymore.. she can't bring me 2 the mall anymore.. she can't even walking togther with me anymore.. she can't do evrything dat she used to do for me b4..all she can do is talking with me & every nite i sleep with her.. i admit i am a very "manja" person b4 especially with my mom.. i used 2 hug & kissed her like so many time b4.. we r very close like hell.. now i feel like i'm losing part of me..losing my only very very very bes fren in my life.. ooh, i hate my life... i was also such an arrogant, rude daughter u can never imagine.. when i think bout the past, i wish dat i was not dat bad.. dis is wat we called karma mayb.. i feel stressed & stuck when i'm at home.. seriously shit.. but still i miss my mom.. dat's the only reason i'm going home all this while.. to be frank, i dun give a shit to all my frens at my hometown... sometimes, i really dun have the mood to meet them, to hang out with them.. they bothers me soo much.. the only reason i go out is because they are at my house looking 4 me.. yea fine.. by the way, rite now, all i know is i want 2 fucking turn back time!! there r so many thngs i wanna change in my life.. i can't help it..