Friday, December 23, 2011


jgn nk mengada2 sgt leh x zarina? gedik, drama queen tol.. pi tido je la.. x mnyusahkan org..

Thursday, August 4, 2011

u suck!

pppfff.... rasa nk mencarut yg teramat sgt nih! ntah la, ade gak org mcm tuh kt dunia nih.. mengucap pnjang aq weh! tp skrg ngah bulan ramadhan, so, x baik lah nk mencarut memanjang.. tp seriously x sangka, hal itu akan brlaku secepat ini.. YA ALLAH, KAU berikanlah aku kesabaran dlm menghadapi dugaanmu ini.. mcm2 jenis org kt dunia nih.. stress! mak kau x ajar agaknya pendidikan moral spnjng kau hidup.. patot lah jd mcm nih.. xda adab! kalo la org tau prangai sebenar kau, mmg turned off la wei! lg satu, aq x sangap la ngn benda2 tuh suma.. hambikkkk! aq x hingin daa.. sakit mata lgpon.. dh replaced dh ponnn.. u make we wanna puke everyday! fucking hope everything dpt di settlekan asap b4 raya.. xlarat dah.. we should start a new life.. yes!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

i miss u, Atok

my grandpa just passed away.. it's been about 12 days since he left all of us.. lately, when my cousins and my mom were together, we often talked about him.. how he was such a kind-hearted, extremely patient, funny and well-mannered person.. we never have bad things to say about him.. that's a good thing, Alhamdulillah.. after his death, i realized a lot of things about him that i never expected him to be.. he never scold his children, he loves to buy things for us and he always think about others above him.. i really miss him right now.. i sometimes regret that i couldn't spend much more time with him before.. Atok, although i can't see u anymore, i'll always remember u.. i took ur little pouch for me to keep as a remembrance of u.. i miss ur smell, ur smile, ur grey hair, u with ur antique little radio, u fell asleep on the couch during raya, u and ur fav fruit, bananas and every small things that u do make me miss u even more.. anyway & anyhow, now, i could only pray that Allah will place u in His paradise.. Amin.. been able to kiss ur cold forehead made me cried non-stop & i saw everyone else also broke into tears.. look Atok, everyone loves u.. i will never forget those days when u were in the hospital.. u looked so weak.. my eyes were teary every time i visited u.. u waved at us weakly & even tried to get off from the bed.. as a result, ur hands were tied on the bed.. i really hated that, u were quarantined.. it was such a sad thing having to make choice between him to be alive but needing for resuscitation or let him took his last breath naturally.. we've decided which was just to let him took his last breath slowly & this was the hardest decision that ever been made by us.. my hands were shaking when i saw ur dead body was buried... death is such a sad thing.. unexpected & painful.. i love u, Atok..

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


this is sad.. they are still not talking to each other.. almost three days already.. what kind of family is this? no, actually, what kind of person he is? totally immature.. i'm totally stuck in the middle.. freaking hate this situation.. urgh!!

Monday, June 20, 2011


my mom can't cook anymore.. so, since then, i have no choice but to learn cooking at home.. if not, i will end up eating outside food every and each day.. blugh.. i can't stand it that way anymore.. not in my hometown at least.. so, every semester holiday, i often spend my time cooking.. simple Malay dishes and stuff.. bla.. bla.. but i never try baking.. all this while, i hate baking especially 'kuih raya'.. messy, complicated & fussy.. however, i don't know why, lately, i've been fucking craving for cupcakes.. it's kinda tiring to find any cupcakes store in my hometown.. i gave up.. so, last week, suddenly, i have a brilliant idea.. why don't i just bake my very own cupcakes.. as i knew, baking cupcakes is not that complicated.. so, there you go.. i officially baked my own cupcakes! woohhooo... buying stuffs and ingredients for the cupcakes is fun but decorating them is much more fun! sweetness alert! if u saw me during my baking process, i totally looked like a crazy girl.. maximum exaggerated excitement.. al-maklum.. that was my first baking experience okayyy.. i'm satisfied & kinda proud of myself.. muahaha!

Sunday, June 19, 2011


some people are just not being thankful enough for what they already have.. for family, friends and things that have been given by Allah to them.. do they ever think for a while that other people might be dying to have what they are having right now.. they keep mumbling, being emo without any major reasons in public..sometimes, i just hate these people.. seriously..

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

some people

OMG~ how selfish can someone be? how stingy can someone be? how ignorant can someone be? to what extend can they be? these people can be among our friends, neighbours and even among our own family members.. this is sad.. after living together for so many years, but still some people seems do not ever want to change.. u can blame someone else but please take a good deep look at your own self la.. come on.. yeah, i dun have the right to say anything, i'm not perfect as well but i know when i need to act as an adult.. i have patience but i dun know whether it can lasts longer or not.. u with your ego.. and another u with your ignorance.. they should get lost.. i won't mind..

Tuesday, June 14, 2011


one of my fav things that i love to do when i was bored is to make my mom annoyed.. and it always working.. haha.. until yesterday, my mom said, 'u're annoying'.. now, everythng that she says and does is cute to me.. so, haha, bear with me mom.. love u too much.. ;)

Sunday, June 12, 2011

i know

yup.. i guess i'm a nobody to u.. i will always be the last person to know anything about u..

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

bla bla

you always acting like that when i'm with you.. u really r 'sumthing'. and that's totally different when u r with her.. even on this very '****' day..

Monday, May 2, 2011

less and less

i will be going home like less than four days from now.. i dun know why but i don't feel fully happy at all.. i feel like i'll be leaving something special and meaningful to me in s.alam.. 4 months.. anything can happen.. this is sad.. this feeling always happen every end of the semesters.. and this time, i'll be the last one going back home.. how am i suppose to transfer all my stuff into my new house? i wish i could have the courage to drive alone all the way back to johor but i know.. it's the car.. the car is crazy and unpredictable.. it's like killing myself if i ever going back to johor alone driving that car..

screwed up

i fucking miss him!!!! am i crazy?? yes i am..

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


oh my.. i feel sad! nape la ade sukantara bodoh tuh.. i really wanted to go to my class tmorrow.. that will be my last class with 2D.. for GOD sake! i haven't take any pics with them.. i wanted to do something fun with them tomorrow.. i wanted them to do sumthing for me.. i have planned that, u know! but then, xpasal2 kena jga lompat jauh form 1 esok.. aih.. ~~ dukacita tol.. now i need to find suitable time to be with them for the very last time.. mentang2 kami dh nk hbs, suka2 je cepatkan sukantara.. giler mngambil ksempatan! aihhhh... dh la sukantara smpai friday.. no more baju kurung.. have to wear sports attire until friday.. wuu...

Thursday, April 14, 2011


i definitely wanna eat a lot of food tomorrow!

u know why? tomorrow, there will be a 'jamuan' for the trainee teachers.. yeay.. i can't wait to eat nice food.. yummy.. ;)) btw, i never been happier in my life before, at least in this school.. my supervisor sent me a message that she won't come to observe me anymore.. yezzaa.. it means that she observed me for only 3 times.. i wish upon the stars that she'll give me good grades hopefully.. she told me to enjoy my last week in this school.. of course, i will.. ;) sad.. suddenly i feel sad again.. ;(

Wednesday, April 13, 2011


yesterday, he told me something.. it happened that actually the 'ustaz' is not so 'ustaz' anymore.. the fact is that, they were actually best friend before.. people called them twins as they were always together.. yeah, i can see that.. their face, height and physical are actually almost the same.. it happened that he had a gf before and they broke up.. but after that, the 'ustaz' a.k.a bff started to be in a relationship with his ex-gf.. that was why they started to break apart and no more bff.. no wonder they look weird when they were together.. the aura is not so warm & good.. hurm.. the 'ustaz' is eventually not that 'ustaz', i guess.. but now i wonder, why he told me all about this? yeah, i still remember the time where i was sitting in the middle between him and the 'ustaz'.. literally i had to talk to both of them at the same time.. i don't want any of them to feel neglected so, it was weird.. i can feel the negative aura.. bla... bla.. bla..

Thursday, April 7, 2011

giler fever

al-Fatihah.. smoga rohnya dicucuri rahmat.. Ya ALLAH, please make me a better person.. please.. please.. please..

i think too much.. no. i can't think straight.. and now i'm having a fever.. great.. i've a headache.. i've a flu.. alone in this house.. i rather going back to school.. i've a lot of people to talk to.. no money to buy medicine.. no money to eat nice food.. no money to be wasted.. there is no one.. nothing left here.. this making me sick.. three weeks seem so long.. urgghh.. i'm freaking hungry.. dia dh masuk duit ke lom ni.. urghhh...

don't let me go

she's dead.. i feel extremely sad.. leaving me.. i need her.. i'm lost.. i'm blur rite now.. can't think straight.. can i just couldn't care less bout this pract anymore... argh.

thurs comes after wed

i never meant to say those mean words to u.. u knew i've problems but u keep making me down.. i need hope from u but it turned out that there was no hope from u.. at least for now.. i'll always have to deal with this shit by myself.. anyway, sorry.. i do really care about u.. u will always be my special one.. although i never say this to u.. trust me.. ;)

and btw, two weeks left.. the fact that i will be leaving that school makes me kind of sad.. don't know why.. sweet and shits happen there.. enough said.. i'm totally in a dilemma.. listening to the song 'never say never' by the Fray makes me more sad than ever.. ;(

Monday, March 28, 2011


during the last 1 week holiday, i heard that u were transmitted into the hospital for 12 days bcoz of some germs infection in your heart.. i kind of worried atok.. although u r already 80 something of age, u r a strong man.. i grew up watching u working for living until the day before u were transmitted.. u r the man who doesn't like sitting and lazing around at home like anyone else at your age. u r one cool and sporting atok.. likes to shop and spending money on useless things (bak kata nenek) ahah! ;)but u never forget to give me money.. that's what i remember the most about u.. although i can't see u that often, i kind of miss u sometimes.. funny old man.. caught sleeping on the couch when everyone is happily watching tv and spending quality times together.. ahah! just rest at home, old man.. i can only hope that u will feel better now.. i'll meet u when i finish my stressful practicum.. *bile lagi atok dpt manja2 ngn nenek.. eheh..


i saw u just now.. by the window, in the staff room, during the assembly..u r just a kid.. i knew.. i realize that.. but still.. it feels better when u r around, kiddo.. i can't believe i'm saying this.. i love the fact that u always smile and happy when u see me when at the same time, someone else said that u hardly smile.. u r emotionless but obviously not to me.. tq for being comfortable with me.. oh ya, u have such a quiet eyes, u know.. ahah! ;)

Monday, February 28, 2011


i didn't answer my brother's call. know y? because i hate him.


why they said like that about me.. they never knew what i've done there.. shit, i starting to hate my practicum.. should i prove to them, in front of their eyes then? 2 months left.. ok, fine..i'll do something then.. and that thing.. fucking in my mind all the time.. i feel seriously fucked up.. damn it. wish there is someone to listen to me.. wth..

great day

i called my mom just now & i suddenly broke into tears.. i never let her hears me cries.. but today, i realized, life in here is hard.. she said 'jgn sedih2.. if anything, just call me. i'll help u..' i'm so down today.. friends & fucking practicum don't matter anymore.. i really want this to end asap.. this is the point where i feel like giving up.. i just wanna let go.. but can i?? how many bad news that i can receive in a day?? is there a better tomorrow? i doubt it..

Thursday, February 24, 2011


by the way,i don't need your language...